


I Built This House With Wood From the Bridges I Burned

by ApolloAttraction



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 20:12:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15937445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloAttraction/pseuds/ApolloAttraction
Summary: They don't make therapy for this kind of trauma.Vignettes following Declan Lynch in the Aftermath of his father's death and assuming guardianship over his brothers.





	I Built This House With Wood From the Bridges I Burned

Ronan found the body.

Declan doesn’t see it at first when he finds Ronan. “What are you doing?” he asks and walks off the porch toward his brother. He’s halfway to him when he sees the blood splattered on the side of the car and sprints the rest of the way there. “Ronan, what happened?” He grabs him by the shoulders and swivels him around.

Ronan stares off at the ground by the car. “It’s Dad.”

Declan can’t see any injuries on Ronan and finally follows his gaze to their father’s body. “Shit.”

The screen door swings open and Matthew steps barefoot onto the porch.

“Go back inside, Matt!” Declan yells, barely managing to keep the panic out of his voice.

Matthew ducks back inside, but stays right at the screen door, staring out at them.

“You, too.” Declan steps in front of Ronan so that he can’t see the body. “Go inside.”

Ronan doesn’t move.

“Go. Inside.” Declan repeats. “You and Matt need to pack a bag.”

Ronan finally looks at him, his brow furrowed. “Where are we going?”

“We’re going into town.” Declan glances back to the screen door nervously. The fender of the BMW blocks the body from view, but if Matthew decided to come out anyway he’d only have to go a few feet from the porch to see the mess.

“How long are we staying?” Ronan asks. He tries to look over Declan’s shoulder, so Declan grips his arms tighter to keep his attention.

“A while.” Declan says. “Please. Just. Go pack. Take anything that you can’t live without. Help Matt pack, too. Be fast.” He lets go of him.

Ronan lingers a moment longer, then turns and walks back to the house. Declan makes sure he’s inside before he takes his eyes off him.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and turns to look at his father’s mangled corpse. He can feel tears prickling his eyes, but chooses to focus on the anger he feels instead. “Look what you fucking did.” He glares at the crime scene, even as his stomach turns queasy. He has a clean up crew on speed dial.

*

There’s no easy way to break it to them, but there were probably better places to break it to them than the Aglionby parking lot.

“Why can’t we go back?” Ronan growls. “It’s our goddamned house.”

“Watch your language.” Declan says, head swiveling to make sure none of the teachers are around.

“Is my language really our biggest fucking problem right now?” Ronan asks. His posture is tense and his hands ball into fists.

Declan pinches the bridge of his nose. “We can board at Aglionby.”

“You know that’s not the issue!” Ronan’s knuckles turn white from how hard he clenches his fists. “Why can’t we go back?” He yells. A few students lingering by their cars glance over at them.

Declan keeps his voice level, despite his thinning patience. “Because dad put an injunction against us. His will says that if we go back, we lose our trusts”

“Then we lose them!” Ronan answers, full of fury. “That’s our house! We live there!”

Declan snaps. “No we don’t. We don’t live there _anymore!”_ He yells so loudly that Matthew flinches and moves closer to Ronan until he’s pressed against his side.

Ronan slings a protective arm around Matthew’s shoulders. “This is bullshit,” he says, voice low. “What about mom? She’s still there.”

Declan tucks his hands into his pockets and looks away from them. “It’s only because she’s sick.”

Matthew’s brow furrows. “Mom’s sick?”

Ronan narrows his eyes at Declan. “Since when?”

Declan grimaces. “Since we left.”

Matthew’s eyes start to shimmer like he might break into tears. “Is she going to be okay?”

Declan stays quiet for too long and Matthew starts to cry.

*

The man standing at the entrance to the barns is at least 6’2 and built like a pro-wrestler. “You can’t be here, kid.” He says and crosses his arms over his massive chest.

Declan squares his shoulders and stands at his full height. “I just need to get some pictures for the funeral and the viewing.” He hopes that the tailored suit he wears makes him look older, maybe even intimidating. It doesn’t. “Remember,” Declan starts carefully, “I’m the one who called you in the first place.”

The guard grunts at him. “Be quick.”

Declan doesn’t know if it was his words or pity that swayed him, but he doesn’t give the guard a chance to change his mind. He moves quickly past him and up the driveway to the house.

He lingers in the living room for a moment, thumbing through a picture album and actually grabbing a few. Then, he heads to the sitting room.

Aurora is in the corner with an oxygen tank and a saline drip next to her, but none of the cords are plugged in, nor attached to her. Declan had heard Niall call her his little daydream before, but he’d never wanted to confront what that might mean. He’d wanted it to be nothing, just a term of endearment like normal couples. They’d never been a normal family, though. He takes an afghan from the table and drapes it across her shoulders.

He puts a hand on her knee and kneels down in front of her, looking up at her sleeping face. He used to stare into mirrors, looking for traces of her in his own face. All he could ever see before was Niall. He lays his head on her knee, and none of that matters anymore. He thumbs the rosary in his pants pocket and starts to cry. It is the first time he cries. It is the only time he gets to mourn.

When he makes his way back down the driveway, the guard says nothing about how many hours he’d been in the house.

*

Niall Lynch’s funeral costs $85,558.

A week’s worth of Aglionby school uniforms is $650 per child.

Boarding Matthew at the dorms costs $1,500 a semester.

“I’m not staying at the school,” Ronan says, voice dripping venom when Declan hands him the roommate preference forms for the Aglionby dorm.

“You have to stay somewhere,” Declan crosses his arms over his chest.

“I’ll stay with Gansey.” Ronan says and looks to where Richard Campbell Gansey III sits across from him, filling out the paperwork for his own classes.

Declan raises an eyebrow at Gansey. “Don’t you board here?”

Gansey clears his throat. “Actually, I’ve invested in some property nearby.”

Ronan leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest smugly. “See.”

Declan refuses to address him and keeps looking at Gansey, “And you’re willing to share a place with him for the next semester?”

Gansey nods. “He’ll pay rent. It will help make the mortgage more manageable.”

 “Draw up a leasing agreement.” Declan says. Ronan hasn’t been himself lately and if anything goes south between him and his friend, they’ll need everything to be legal and contractual.

Gansey nods.

Ronan continues to glare. “One more thing.”

Declan raises his eyebrows at him. “What?”

Ronan holds his gaze. “I want Dad’s car.”

Declan’s new car costs $92,000.

Declan signs his name at the bottom of the checks. He signs his name on the court papers declaring him guardian over his brothers. He signs his name at the bottom of their school papers. He signs his name until Declan isn’t a name anymore, just a feeling of loss bleeding from a pen.

*

There’s a parent-teacher conference for Matthew at 6:30am.

There’s a meeting with the dean for Ronan at 7pm.

There’s a meeting for polysci interns at 8:15pm.

Three of Six college application essays are due by 12:00am.

Declan takes lunch in the quad with his laptop on his knees and stares at the essay prompts:

Essay 1: Every student has an identity that their application would be incomplete if it weren’t explored. Describe your identity and how it makes you stand out from the crowd.

He types: “I have been taking care of my family since I learned basic math. As a child, I did my father’s accounting and taxes. When he passed, I became guardian to my two younger brothers.” He holds down the backspace button until there’s nothing left.

Essay 2:  Reflect on a time when a personal belief was challenged. Describe what prompted you to question the belief and whether or not your thoughts changed.

He types: “I was raised in a Catholic family that regularly attended mass. One of the core tenets is that God exists in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I had to reconcile the existence of God with the tragedy of losing my father, my mother, my childhood home, and-“ He deletes everything.

Essay 3: Describe a personal failure and how it shaped the person you became.

”Ronan found his body.”

He closes the window without saving the response and shuts down his laptop.

He gets all the essay’s in by 11:45pm and doesn’t mention Niall Lynch or Aurora or his brothers in any of them. It doesn’t really matter. He’s got the grades and the money to go anywhere, and his only requirement is that the school is close enough that he can be back in Henrietta in less than a day.

*

Declan had thought that he could handle loss. He’d certainly had enough practice with it. Still, his heart stops when he sees Matthew collapse. He races over to him and kneels down to see black ooze trailing from his ears and nose. He pulls Matthew’s head into his lap as he convulses and dials Ronan’s number. The phone rings and rings and rings and he knows that tonight is the night he loses the last of his family.

He keeps the phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder, praying that someone will answer and tell him what is going on. He strokes his hands through Matthew’s hair and does what he does best: he lies.

“It’s okay, Matty. You’ll be okay.” The phone goes to voicemail again and he redials the number. His gray slacks are covered in the black sludge suffocating his brother. Matthew makes tiny, choked noises.

All at once, the convulsions stop. The oozing stops. Matthew’s breathing stops.

Then, the whole world comes crashing in when Matthew’s eyes snap open.

Matthew takes a startled, gasping breath and Declan pulls him into a crushing hug that forces it right back out of him.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” he murmurs and he feels the first of a flood of tears makes its way down his cheek.

Matthew hugs him back. “You didn’t, though. You didn’t lose me. You didn’t lose us.”

Declan doesn’t let go of him until he’s spent all the tears he never cried.


End file.
